♕ Keep it Simple (Homestuck • 001)
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embittersTitle: Keep it Simple
Fandom: Homestuck
Characters: EVERYONE EVER.
Rating: Will edit this part once I know if this is going to be as sexy as gonorrhea or not.
Status: Incomplete.
Prompt: JOHN "THE BLUE HOOD" EGBERT is a superhero from small-town America who can control the wind. His best friend, DAVE "BEATDOWN" STRIDER is from big-city America and can time travel. Their mutual acquaintance and frienemy, KARKAT "FUCK ALL OF YOU GO AND DIE" VANTAS, who is deadly with his sickles and has an acidic personality, is an alien(who, with a whole mess of other aliens, crash-landed on Earth two years ago).
TOGETHER, THEY FIGHT CRIME.
If somehow, somehow, you could make this John/Eridan and Dave/Karkat or something, that would be pretty amazing. If not those then it's all good really.
Honestly I would write this myself but I'm in the middle of crazy everything and thus have no time.
Notes: Written for the kink meme. LJ is not letting me post anonymously, so. Copy pasted from my original author's note in the comments:
This is mostly a teaser chapter, since I kind of have a convoluted idea for this plot and I don’t want to spam the kink meme if there’s no interest. Depending on how well it goes, I might either do ficlets to not leave OP hanging, or throw anonymity to the wind for the sake of formatting, since it’s going to get a bit lenghty.
Hope this isn’t completely off from what OP wanted. /)_(\
Your name is JOHN EGBERT, and today on the 13th day of the fourth month of the year 2015, it just so happens to be your 19TH BIRTHDAY. As expected of any young man your age, you are currently an average college student majoring in COMPUTER PROGRAMING, even though you still completely and utterly SUCK AT IT. You partake in a handful of hobbies, such as SPENDING YOUR WHOLE DAY IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER as anyone with a contact list only consisting of three persons should, and performing AMATEUR MAGIC TRICKS your father always seems to be strangely proud of you for doing. Always. You have a passion for HIDEOUS MOVIES that make even your best of bros cringe at how horrible and unironic they are, but you do not care because they are just so good.
More conventionally, you are also fond of the PARANORMAL and a wide assortment of VIDEO GAMES, leading to an explanation as to why your whole wardrobe seems to include that silly slime ghost you’ve refuse to get rid of for the past seven years. You are nothing but your AVERAGE, EVERY DAY BORED COLLEGE STUDENT.
Except for the part where you’re not. Not really.
Truth to be told, you are actually the local superhero known as THE WINDWAKER, and as your name implies, you have the ABILITY TO CONTROL THE WIND. As someone who had always looked up to your favorite superheroes, namely THE BUSINESSMAN, you were absolutely thrilled to discover your superpowers at the age of 13, exactly SIX YEARS AGO. Your self proclaimed arch-nemesis is a ridiculously foul-mouthed alien known as THE THRESHCUTIONER, who is more or less the most INEFFECTUAL NEMESIS you have ever seen, since he always ends up helping you SAVE THE DAY regardless. You think he’s a pretty cool guy for someone who keeps calling you a NOOKSUCKER, whatever that means.
Your best friends, as well as SUPERHERO COMRADES, consist of DAVE “CLOCK BLAZER” STRIDER, ROSE “THE RIDER” LALONDE and JADE “FROG GIRL” HARLEY. Together, all four of you FIGHT CRIME.
As previously mentioned about four paragraphs above, today is your 19th birthday. As on par with EVERY SHITTY SUPERHERO PLOT you have memorized by heart, this means some really SICK SHIT is about to go down, regardless of whether or not you give a fuck about the fate of humanity as you know it.
Are you READY TO BE THE GUY?
* * *
> be the average college student
You cannot be the average college student because you already are the average college student.
Regardless, you are about ten minutes late to your 8:00AM English class--not that it matters much. As someone with a passion for notoriously horrible movies (which you, of course, consider to be nothing but the epitome of awesome), you are genre savvy enough to know that every true super hero is late to class always. No exceptions. If you were to analyze this statement carefully, you would realize that such a thing would be a huge tip off to your nightly activities as a super hero, but apparently that is nothing short of a big fat lie. Well. They aren’t very genre savvy. Well. We can’t all be as dangerously genre savvy as you, anyway.
Truth to be told, while you could have arrived at your class relatively early thanks to your totally awesome windy powers, a hero’s work is never done and you have always possessed the attention span of a dead goldfish when it came to attending to your mundane obligations and responsibilities. Being the sap you are for saving the day in the most Hollywood-like fashion, you easily became sidetracked by a surprising number of kind elderly ladies attempting to blindly cross the street during rush hour, equally as genre blind burglars trying to assault your favorite movie rental store and a couple of fucknuts blatantly disregarding loitering laws--which was completely and utterly stupid.
By the time you finally got done being sidetracked by your twenty million bear asses, the professor was more or less too caught up in their oh-so-dramatic (and by dramatic, we mean the whole deal complete with dramatic hand gestures, spitting on every single student currently seated in the first row and shouting while sounding more or less like an emasculated cat) interpretation of whatever was coming up on your reading list for this unit to be concerned about whether or not you were late to class every day. You try to ignore the feeling of Rose pointedly staring at the back of your head as you take a seat, intending to at least pretend you know what your English professor is talking about. It only works so well, because seconds after, your mobile device begins vibrating obnoxiously in your pocket.
Oh, how you wonder who it could possibly be.
Tentatively, you glance up from your horribly outdated PDA and towards the right corner of the classroom, directly across from your seat. Just as expected, there was one of your three best friends, Rose Lalonde, sitting there in all her armchair psychologist glory. As great as a friend as she is, you sometimes wish she would lighten up on how you should all use your totally cool and awesome superhero abilities, even though you know she just wants all of you to do well in your mundane, everyday lives as well. But still. But, still.
Funnily enough, despite how completely and utterly hopeless you are when it comes to paying attention in class, you still remember this one unit you did and how a certain line always seemed hilarious to you. Mostly because of how much it would relate to Rose and how much she would be staring at you whenever she knew you and Dave were deliberately slacking off in class. You would later on share it with Jade and it would go on to become Rose’s unofficial-lets-never-tell-her-about-this motto. You still remember exactly how it went and who wrote it, too.
The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
-- Chuck Palahniuk
And they said you couldn’t memorize worth shit in class. Take that.
* * *
* * *
> stop being the average college student
Fandom: Homestuck
Characters: EVERYONE EVER.
Rating: Will edit this part once I know if this is going to be as sexy as gonorrhea or not.
Status: Incomplete.
Prompt: JOHN "THE BLUE HOOD" EGBERT is a superhero from small-town America who can control the wind. His best friend, DAVE "BEATDOWN" STRIDER is from big-city America and can time travel. Their mutual acquaintance and frienemy, KARKAT "FUCK ALL OF YOU GO AND DIE" VANTAS, who is deadly with his sickles and has an acidic personality, is an alien(who, with a whole mess of other aliens, crash-landed on Earth two years ago).
TOGETHER, THEY FIGHT CRIME.
If somehow, somehow, you could make this John/Eridan and Dave/Karkat or something, that would be pretty amazing. If not those then it's all good really.
Honestly I would write this myself but I'm in the middle of crazy everything and thus have no time.
Notes: Written for the kink meme. LJ is not letting me post anonymously, so. Copy pasted from my original author's note in the comments:
This is mostly a teaser chapter, since I kind of have a convoluted idea for this plot and I don’t want to spam the kink meme if there’s no interest. Depending on how well it goes, I might either do ficlets to not leave OP hanging, or throw anonymity to the wind for the sake of formatting, since it’s going to get a bit lenghty.
Hope this isn’t completely off from what OP wanted. /)_(\
Your name is JOHN EGBERT, and today on the 13th day of the fourth month of the year 2015, it just so happens to be your 19TH BIRTHDAY. As expected of any young man your age, you are currently an average college student majoring in COMPUTER PROGRAMING, even though you still completely and utterly SUCK AT IT. You partake in a handful of hobbies, such as SPENDING YOUR WHOLE DAY IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER as anyone with a contact list only consisting of three persons should, and performing AMATEUR MAGIC TRICKS your father always seems to be strangely proud of you for doing. Always. You have a passion for HIDEOUS MOVIES that make even your best of bros cringe at how horrible and unironic they are, but you do not care because they are just so good.
More conventionally, you are also fond of the PARANORMAL and a wide assortment of VIDEO GAMES, leading to an explanation as to why your whole wardrobe seems to include that silly slime ghost you’ve refuse to get rid of for the past seven years. You are nothing but your AVERAGE, EVERY DAY BORED COLLEGE STUDENT.
Except for the part where you’re not. Not really.
Truth to be told, you are actually the local superhero known as THE WINDWAKER, and as your name implies, you have the ABILITY TO CONTROL THE WIND. As someone who had always looked up to your favorite superheroes, namely THE BUSINESSMAN, you were absolutely thrilled to discover your superpowers at the age of 13, exactly SIX YEARS AGO. Your self proclaimed arch-nemesis is a ridiculously foul-mouthed alien known as THE THRESHCUTIONER, who is more or less the most INEFFECTUAL NEMESIS you have ever seen, since he always ends up helping you SAVE THE DAY regardless. You think he’s a pretty cool guy for someone who keeps calling you a NOOKSUCKER, whatever that means.
Your best friends, as well as SUPERHERO COMRADES, consist of DAVE “CLOCK BLAZER” STRIDER, ROSE “THE RIDER” LALONDE and JADE “FROG GIRL” HARLEY. Together, all four of you FIGHT CRIME.
As previously mentioned about four paragraphs above, today is your 19th birthday. As on par with EVERY SHITTY SUPERHERO PLOT you have memorized by heart, this means some really SICK SHIT is about to go down, regardless of whether or not you give a fuck about the fate of humanity as you know it.
Are you READY TO BE THE GUY?
> be the average college student
You cannot be the average college student because you already are the average college student.
Regardless, you are about ten minutes late to your 8:00AM English class--not that it matters much. As someone with a passion for notoriously horrible movies (which you, of course, consider to be nothing but the epitome of awesome), you are genre savvy enough to know that every true super hero is late to class always. No exceptions. If you were to analyze this statement carefully, you would realize that such a thing would be a huge tip off to your nightly activities as a super hero, but apparently that is nothing short of a big fat lie. Well. They aren’t very genre savvy. Well. We can’t all be as dangerously genre savvy as you, anyway.
Truth to be told, while you could have arrived at your class relatively early thanks to your totally awesome windy powers, a hero’s work is never done and you have always possessed the attention span of a dead goldfish when it came to attending to your mundane obligations and responsibilities. Being the sap you are for saving the day in the most Hollywood-like fashion, you easily became sidetracked by a surprising number of kind elderly ladies attempting to blindly cross the street during rush hour, equally as genre blind burglars trying to assault your favorite movie rental store and a couple of fucknuts blatantly disregarding loitering laws--which was completely and utterly stupid.
By the time you finally got done being sidetracked by your twenty million bear asses, the professor was more or less too caught up in their oh-so-dramatic (and by dramatic, we mean the whole deal complete with dramatic hand gestures, spitting on every single student currently seated in the first row and shouting while sounding more or less like an emasculated cat) interpretation of whatever was coming up on your reading list for this unit to be concerned about whether or not you were late to class every day. You try to ignore the feeling of Rose pointedly staring at the back of your head as you take a seat, intending to at least pretend you know what your English professor is talking about. It only works so well, because seconds after, your mobile device begins vibrating obnoxiously in your pocket.
Oh, how you wonder who it could possibly be.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 08:23! --
TT: It seems both of you had similar thoughts of skipping today’s lecture.
EB: hehe, hi rose!
EB: you mean dave?
TT: Yes.
TT: Although I feel I should be grateful you are merely tardy, as opposed as not present at all.
EB: that’s a filthy lie.
EB: i’m not late, everyone just got here earlier than i did!
TT: Of course.
TT: John?
EB: yeah?
TT: Were you helping the elderly cross the street again?
TT: Even though most of these elderly did, in fact, not want to cross the street in the first place.
TT: And you were told not to repeatedly?
EB: uh, no.
TT: John.
EB: ...shit. fine.
EB: well they needed to cross it anyways!
TT: Ok.
TT: Try to hold back on the heroics for a while, John.
TT: We’ll discuss this later.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 08:31! --
EB: :(
Tentatively, you glance up from your horribly outdated PDA and towards the right corner of the classroom, directly across from your seat. Just as expected, there was one of your three best friends, Rose Lalonde, sitting there in all her armchair psychologist glory. As great as a friend as she is, you sometimes wish she would lighten up on how you should all use your totally cool and awesome superhero abilities, even though you know she just wants all of you to do well in your mundane, everyday lives as well. But still. But, still.
Funnily enough, despite how completely and utterly hopeless you are when it comes to paying attention in class, you still remember this one unit you did and how a certain line always seemed hilarious to you. Mostly because of how much it would relate to Rose and how much she would be staring at you whenever she knew you and Dave were deliberately slacking off in class. You would later on share it with Jade and it would go on to become Rose’s unofficial-lets-never-tell-her-about-this motto. You still remember exactly how it went and who wrote it, too.
-- Chuck Palahniuk
And they said you couldn’t memorize worth shit in class. Take that.
Have you been keeping up with what I asked you to do?
TG: Yes.
> stop being the average college student
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